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I debated not doing a bumpdate this week, so my answers below might be a bit brief.

This has been the longest week of my pregnancy so far which in turn has made me not want to relive it to write about it. The pubic pain got to an unbearable point many times last week and on Friday morning I hit a breaking point. I turned to Mike as I woke up in tears and told him I wasn’t sure having this baby on the inside of me was worth it anymore. Of course I don’t mean that because I know that in me is the best and safest place for him right now, but I broke.

This baby boy will absolutely be worth it. He is already so worth it.

It was a year ago this week that Mike and I mourned the loss of our first baby. The baby that was only safe inside of me for 6 weeks. The baby that we’ll never get to meet on this side of life. It was a week filled with tears, confusion, and amazingly, peace. I didn’t question for a moment that the Lord was working in those moments and that His hand was over it all.

And now a year later. Another week filled with tears and pain. But as I type this, I can feel my 31 week, thriving, and healthy little boy kicking and hiccuping away. And again I am filled with peace and have comfort that God’s hand is over this too.

Every ounce of me wants this. I know without a doubt that “mom” is who I am supposed to be. But I am desperate for some relief.

We welcome your prayers, prayers for healing and pain relief.

How far along: 31 weeks!

How big is baby: About the size of a pineapple!

Gender: It’s a BOY!

Movement: Lots of movement. I am pretty sure he changed positions this week and is head down. His kicks have moved from my far right side to the top of my belly near my ribs. I also felt hiccups for the first time this week!

Sleep: Still sleeping great!

Symptoms: Congestion is still much better than it was and exhaustion has taken over my body – an afternoon nap is almost always in order.

Pelvic Pain: This week has been my hardest in terms of pelvic pain, as mentioned above. I did get into a chiropractor that specializes in pregnancy and we’ve started adjustments. She scheduled me for 18 appointments up until my due date! Unfortunately, this kind of pain is hard to treat and she considers my specific case to be severe, but we are both hopeful that relief is around the corner even if it’s a 3 steps forward, 2 steps back process.

Labor signs: No labor signs.

Cravings/Aversions: Loving fresh (cold) fruit and ice cold water. Still not loving chicken.

Maternity clothes: Yes! I am still mixing and matching but I know a few weeks from now I will be exclusively maternity and Mike’s clothing.

Workouts: No workouts due to pain.

Nursery: No progress this week.

Mike: He is incredible. His middle school retreat was this last weekend. Just 8 days post knee surgery and he handled it way better than I ever could. He wasn’t able to rest or do his recovery exercises as much as either of us would have liked, but he survived and ran an incredible weekend retreat for his students. I decided last minute that with my condition and exhaustion levels that I couldn’t go with him so we spent the weekend apart. I am so proud of him and his dedication to the work he’s doing but I am also so so glad he is home and that we are back to sleeping under one roof.

Missing anything: Nothing new.

Best part of the week: Making my first appointment with the chiropractor and her affirming that my pain is real.

Looking forward to most: Continuing to see the chiropractor and seeing results. Also I am excited for a real day off this week. Like, I’m not leaving this house all day (except for an adjustment) and it’s going to be glorious.

Worries/Concerns: Baby is healthy and we are so grateful for that. Momma is discouraged. 9 more weeks feels very discouraging, but I need to take it one week, day, moment at a time. We’ll get there.

Thanks for sticking through this with me. Pregnancy is quite the journey.

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30 weeks

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How far along: 30 weeks! Only ten weeks to go!

How big is baby: About the size of a cabbage… 16-17 inches long and weighs about 3 lbs. Baby will be packing on pounds from here on out so I will stop estimating size until he arrives.

Gender: It’s a BOY!

Movement: Yes! He gets wiggly when I lay on my left side but I feel him so much more during the day now than I used to. He has random bouts of movement and I love feeling him more often. I wouldn’t say he’s super active though – maybe he’s starting to run out of room. I know I feel like he’s running out of room but hello ten more weeks…

Sleep: Still sleeping great! I am usually sleeping through the night with no interruptions. This last week with Mike’s surgery hasn’t been as restful because I worry about him and that wakes me up (not that he needs to be worried for – I just don’t want him to have pain). Since I’ve been awake more often for pain medication reminders, I do get up for potty breaks because I’m more aware of my full bladder.

Symptoms: The congestion has gotten a lot better the last couple days. I almost feel like I have my non-pregnant nose back! With the loss of congestion (praise the Lord) the exhaustion came back with a vengeance. I think I am back to a 9:00 pm bedtime when possible and I could sleep until 11:00 am if I let myself. Thank goodness sleep is still coming pretty easy because I really need it.

Pelvic Pain: I figured since this has been such an ongoing thing – and since I don’t see it going away anytime soon – I thought it deserved its own category. This last weekend was one of my worst in terms of pain. There were moments when every step felt like someone was kicking me hard in the groin after I rode a horse for the day. It was so frustrating because I had three days caring for Mike post-surgery alone and those were easily my worst days. I don’t know if the anticipation of being alone with him made it worse or if it was just coincidental, but it was not fun. I so badly wanted to just serve him but my limitations prevented me from doing what I thought would have been best. This pregnancy pain is really testing me. I am doing everything I can with hoops of fire from insurance to get into a chiropractor that specializes in pregnancy and pelvic pain. I am praying that by my next update I will have some good news.

Labor signs: Is it really time for this category?? My doctor has started asking me this question every two weeks so I suppose it’s time. I am having no labor signs – ha!

Cravings/Aversions: All food sounds good all.the.time (except chicken) and fresh fruit is my favorite. I am also still craving poptarts – specifically strawberry ones. I am trying really hard to keep my nutrition content HIGH through these last few weeks. I want to put the best foods into my body even though my brain is begging me for poptarts and ice cream.

Maternity clothes: Yep! Some of my comfiest clothes are not maternity though. My weekend outfit consists of sweatpants and my SC warriors medium shirts. AKA: the outfit pictured above. They are loose enough that they don’t bother my stomach but long enough that I still feel comfortable and modest. Comfy over cute fo’ sure.

Workouts: No workouts and have been told very strictly from my doctor and physical therapist to take it easy. I am “exercising” though if you call my 3-5 minutes a day of PT homework exercising. I’m just grateful to be triggering muscles again and to hopefully be triggering the right muscles to help with the pain.

Nursery: Grandma and Grandpa Jaderston are here this week and grandpa is setting up our new dresser as I type this! I am so excited to have at least on piece of furniture assembled and ready in there. We picked a large dresser that will also double as a changing table for the first year and it will grow with this little baby and any future children we have. I am so excited to start making progress.

Mike: He is officially in recovery mode! Surgery went so well and he is handling the pain and recovery like a champ. I hate seeing him so immobile and I know he is itching out of his skin but I am so relieved that the surgery is past and recovery has started. He has been so sweet to me this week with my pain and limitations and so understanding when it takes me a little longer than usual to refill his ice chest. We have been so blessed by the people around us during this time too. We’ve had meals provided, he was able to borrow crutches, and his polar pack (the ice pack he needs) was also borrowed so we didn’t have to put a lot of money into one. I am feeling so grateful for our church community this week, by their generosity and their prayers.

Missing anything: Being pain free. Yep.

Best part of the week: We had lots of time with Mike’s family this weekend which was really nice. I also loved the time Mike and I had just the two of us right before he went into surgery. I am cherishing our one on one time so much more these days.

Looking forward to most: Next Monday. Mike has his follow up appointment with the surgeon and it will mean the retreat weekend that’s ahead of us now will be behind us and I won’t have to worry as much about Mike pushing it too hard.

Worries/Concerns: Everything with baby is right on track and looking good! I really would love to get into a chiropractor this week. Hopefully my appointment with my primary care doctors office will get me headed in that direction. I am worried about the pain a little bit too. It’s getting worse and almost unbearable which makes me nervous for the next 10 weeks.

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