This Season

I am going through a season of life that usually catches me off guard. And no, it’s not the Christmas season – I see that one coming from lightyears away. I am not able to put my finger on exactly what it is or why it’s here, but it’s pushing me to reflect on who I am. Who God is.

I am in a season of reflection.

Reflecting on my life, how far God has brought me in these (almost) 25 years and on how far I still have left to go.

Is my day to day life the way God wants it to be?

I was encouraged last week when we were out to dinner with my parents for my dad’s birthday (happy birthday dad). We were asking him about his life, his favorite memories, his tougher seasons. I asked about his season after college before he got married and settled down. You know, the closest season of his to compare to mine. And he said it was not a great time in his life. He felt lost and confused. He didn’t feel like he had a purpose. He was in limbo.

And maybe that’s how I feel? Maybe I’m in limbo. Unsure of my purpose before I become a mom, before kids are on our radar. Because that’s what I’ve always wanted to do: be a mom. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I’m doing now. I’m a housewife, blogging, nanny. I love it. But I know that God has something more for me now. More purpose.

So, I am also in a season of seeking.

Seeking to learn more about God, about people, and how that relationship comes together in a beautiful sacrifice.

I am seeking my purpose. What does is look like to be a woman of God with no worldly things defining her?

At the end of all these thoughts lies these big words that I typically don’t like to use..

I   D O N T   K N O W

I don’t know the answers and maybe that’s why I am trying so hard to reflect upon them. To dig a little bit deeper into my purpose. To figure out who God has called me to be instead of putting on these different attitudes to fill this time of limbo and still appear to be a “good” Christian with everything figured out. It’s a confusing time.

But so far, my “I don’t knows” have all pointed to Jesus. And that gives me hope.

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.”
1 Peter 5:10