Mornings with Dwayne

Aug 25, 2017 /

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On the mornings that I don’t have to get moving for work, Dwayne and I take it slow. He wakes up and plays in his crib for awhile – until he gets fussy – then we get up and make eggs. Dwayne is a big breakfast kid so as soon as he’s out of his crib he wants to be in his highchair.

He’s usually awake for about 2 hours. If we have no where we need to be he stays in his jammies and just plays around the house.

Part of the reason I did the social media fast was because I felt like I was missing out on time with Dwayne because of my phone. Working part time already takes away my time with him so when I’m home I want to be present.

I see the biggest change in our slow mornings at home.

Dwayne will play on his own but he is showing me things and talking to me and looking at me for affirmation when he does something new.

I missed some of that before, checking my feeds.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, but keeping this child alive and well has been the sweetest privilege and my greatest accomplishment to date. I want to be my best self for my family. It’s a journey and I’m not there yet and most days it feels like I have a really long way to go, but a small change gets me that much closer.

There is a lot happening in my heart right now. I don’t know exactly what it is yet, but I’m excited and anxious to learn what God has in store for me.

Happy Day!

Friday Update

Aug 18, 2017 /

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Hey friends.

Well this is the first time I’ve signed on to the blog since Sunday and thank you thank you thank you for all the support on my last post about social media. It is very clear that I am not alone in this and I would definitely encourage anyone who is on the fence about taking a break from the medias to DO IT. Even if just for a couple days.

The first 2 days were the most eye opening to me. I found myself BORED so often. I didn’t want to do the things I needed to do but I was so bored not being able to see what everyone else was doing.

I got so much done in the first two days that I know I wouldn’t have done if I’d been on social media. I also played a lot of Zelda… No one’s perfect.

But I did build this dresser for Mike. It’s an Ikea dresser so thank goodness I had all the time to dedicate to it or it would still be in a million pieces all over our bedroom.

I am six days into my “fast” and I have so many thoughts and feelings about it that I’m not even sure where to start.

One of the bigger things I’ve noticed is that I was using InstaStories to document our lives instead of taking pictures. Now, if you don’t know much about Instagram, the stories are little snippets that people can post about what’s going on at that exact moment. They disappear after 24 hours unless you save them to your phone.

I only save my favorites which is probably only 10% of the total stories I’ve posted. So I was documenting our lives but letting the memories disappear… #logical

This week, I’ve taken pictures! I don’t have the app on my phone so I’m not tempted to just video Dwayne being cute (#parentpride). I have actual memories that I can put in our yearly scrapbook. It makes me sad to think about how few photos I have of the last few months so I know this is a really good change.

Here are some of my favorites from this week:

We celebrated my nephew’s second birthday and in true Dwayne fashion he showed very little emotion during the overwhelming time in the bounce house. He would only smile when he was at the edges reaching for an adult.

I was working from home on Wednesday while Dwayne played behind me. I don’t always “watch” him but I do listen so I knew he was on the table but when I turned around I wasn’t expecting him to be reading a magazine. What a goof.

We went to the park last night as a family. Dwayne is still maybe a little young to really enjoy the park but he really loved climbing up the mini slide to the right. He would climb up, turn around, and scoot off. He’d also try to eat mulch.

Overall, it’s been a good week. This isn’t curing my of all anxiety but it is helping with putting my attention on my family. It’s bringing a little peace to the chaos.

Happy Day!

Social Media Fast

Aug 12, 2017 /

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Our marathon month of ministry has come to an end. We’ve officially been back at real life for a week and I still feel like our house has been hit by a tornado which is truly unfortunate because the best dog sitter in the world deep cleaned everything. For example: the inside of our trash cart was cleaned. It had crossed my mind to spray it out before we left but that obviously didn’t happen. She’s seriously amazing. But we cluttered up the house in no time flat and it hurts my eyes to even look around.

Our boy has adjusted back to real life really well. He’s been sleeping through the night again (insert all the praise hands) and has been rocking at independent play.

The overstimulation of camp and campers is real but Dwayne knows how to wind down. I found him yesterday laying on his back on the nursery rug just “reading” a book.

For me, it’s been hard to come back to reality.

Some moments I am completely fine and other moments have me filled with anxiety.anxiety.anxiety. It completely shuts me down. Simple tasks become mountains and it’s a victory just starting a load of laundry. My list of things I want/need to complete feels like a novel which in turn causes me to complete nothing.

It’s crippling.

And very unhealthy.

So this morning when I woke up (at 8:50 – THANKS DWAYNE!!) I decided that something needs to change and it needs to be drastic. I want to refocus on real life: on creating a space for my family to find rest; on finding and making the time for Jesus; on taking care of myself and my body by feeding it with real and healthy food; on the balance that is working and being a mom and being a wife. And in order for me to do that right now, I think, is to rid my life of the need to check instagram and snapchat and facebook. I say I don’t have time to grocery shop or meal plan or clean etc etc etc. But I have time to watch every single instagram story and to stay completely caught up with my feed… I can’t even think about how much time I waste trying to stay up to date with other peoples (read: strangers) lives.

So I’m deleted the apps from my phone for a week. Starting small. But hoping for big change. For a refocus of huge proportions.

Even writing that down I am worried about all the things I’ll miss. FOMO on strangers day to day “perfectly curated” lives? Do you see the problem yet?

I’ll keep you updated on how this goes. I assume that only good things can come from it.

Being present in my life, for my son, for my husband. Only good things can come from that right?

I’m praying that the Lord does a work in my heart and removes that longing to be “connected” at all times.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings and thoughts on this Saturday morning. Wish me luck!

Happy day!

Yearly Archives: 2017

Mornings with Dwayne

Friday Update

Social Media Fast